Recently I had the unfortunate opportunity to attend a funeral. While I was at the service and listening to the legacy and story of this woman, I got to thinking about how I would be remembered when I pass away.
As someone who suffers from depression, I've thought about this a lot. And although I've been in some really dark moments and feeling like ending everything was the only way out, knowing that my story was unfinished was one of the things that kept me here. That, and my children.
With the sudden and extremely sad passing of Chester Bennington from Linkin Park in August, I've had death on my mind lately. It sounds morbid, I know, but it's really not. I've been thinking about what people would remember me for. What accomplishments will most be remembered. What failures and mistakes will they think about.
It puts into perspective how I want to live my life. Do I want to be someone who worked her ass off and sacrificed everything at all costs? Do I want to be remembered for someone who took care of her kids, but forgot about the drive that was inside of her. Do I want to be fun and free, or structured and strict.
So, here it goes.
I want to be remembered for being a great wife, a great mother. Someone who showed her kids that family is extremely important, and so is hard work. That you should follow your passion and that it's okay to veer off course as long as you're in pursuit of happiness. That love can conquer all. That there's always time for dancing in your underwear, for cuddles and songs before bed. That you can find balance in life - you can eat that cake AND go for a run. You can work hard and have fun. I want to be remembered for being a great friend, someone who was always there, who cared, who reached out, who forgave, who made you laugh, who wiped your tears. I want to be remembered for being the woman who couldn't watch a horror movie without hiding her eyes. Who always wore a scarf, even in the summer. I want to be remembered for never giving up hope, through the darkness, the pain, the tears and the fear, I never gave up.
So now, I have two questions; what will you remember about me? How do you want other's to remember you?