It's taken me forever to write this piece. I just didn't know how to put into words the devastation I feel from the passing of Chester Bennington of Linkin Park.
It was Chester Bennington's voice that carried me through some very dark times in my life.
In 2000, when “Hybrid Theory” came out, I was convinced it was one of the greatest albums of our time and it very well may be; it’s amazing. I listened to it on repeat, just over and over again. I was about 12/13 at the time going through a phase of being bullied at school. My body changing into a young woman and high school was just around the corner. Chester’s voice drowned out my own feelings.
In 2004 while laying a hospital bed for 30 days, being diagnosed with a disease I knew nothing about, his voice is what kept me sane. What made me feel safe and not alone.
But what I missed was, that while Chester was singing my fears away, he was also singing of his own. I never took into consideration that he wrote those lyrics, that he was the one truly suffering.
When I heard the news about his suicide, I was driving, I can't even remember where to. But I had to pull over, stop the car and cry. I was shocked. Stunned. Hurt. Angry. Scared. Sad. Very sad.
I can't listen to songs from Linkin Park the way I used to. I can't turn on any of theirs songs without crying now.
“When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest…”
I hope his family can find peace without him. I hope those that suffer suicidal thoughts overcome their pain.
I am forever grateful for their music. His words. His voice.
I am still sad and I cry as I write this because my heart is broken.
March 20, 1976 - July 20, 2017.