© 2016-2017 Nicole Marques, Married To Crohns, All Rights Reserved

Numbers

February 28, 2017

Let's talk numbers today.

47. 77. 30. 107.

What does these mean?

 

It’s been 47 days since my surgery on January 12th. January 4 I went into the hospital weighing 77 pounds. I came out of the hospital on January 20th weighing 77 pounds. Today, February 28, I weigh 107 pounds. This marks a big 30 pounds gained since my surgery.

 
For most people, gaining 30 pounds would be a crisis! For me, 30 pounds is what I've been waiting for!

And no, I haven't been eating junk food. I don't eat chips. I'm not eating chocolate. I'm not eating candy. Instead I'm eating eggs and chicken breasts, gluten-free pastas and so much more! Oh… and I’m eating vegetables! – WHAT!? This is unheard of!

Because of the surgery, I haven't been able to work out and exercise at all which has left my body feeling so sore and tired. However, in about two more weeks I'll be able to start exercising again, which I am so looking forward to! This while completely change my weight and body dynamic.

 

I still can't believe how remarkable the surgery has been for me. I went shopping the other day for the first time in a while and I was really nervous about it. I wasn't really looking forward to it but I had to go buy some jeans - I literally couldn’t fit into any of my current pairs! I went into my usual, go to store. I tried on a size 0, too small. I tried on a size 1, too small and a size 3 was too large. I thought, “Oh shit! This store doesn’t suit my needs anymore! I no longer have a body like a 13-year-old!” I decided to head to another store and give it try. I tried on a size 0, again, too small. On goes a size 2 and it fit!

 

I instantly had a breakdown in the fitting room. I just stared at myself in the mirror and started to cry. I just couldn't believe that what I had been waiting for this whole time was (solved) by surgery. I stood there staring at my body, crying. I was happy the first time in a really, really long time. At 107 pounds, I am beginning to love my body again.

 

It might be hard to understand the emotions I get from this turn of events. But imagine looking in the mirror everyday and seeing nothing but bones. Your rib cage. Your collar bones sticking out. Not being able to wear a bra because the wire cuts into your very thin layer of skin. Imagine going shopping for an event and the smallest size in the store is still too small. As a person living with Crohn’s Disease I deal with MANY side effects and symptoms. But as a young woman living with Crohn’s Disease, body image issues have been one of the toughest to go through. It gets me down. I lose my confidence, I lack self esteem, I lose any desire to be sexual and it gets me really down and feeling low. Maybe that’s being vane, but how you look and feel, at any age or weight, has significant meaning in your life. In my life. Now, with a 30 pound difference, all that is changing.

As I sit here writing, I am crying all over again. It's so overwhelming. In a short period of time, such significant changes have happened.

To think that in just 47 days so much has changed in such a positive way. I am so grateful.

 

xo

Nicole Marques

 

 

 

 

 

 

 *Click to enlarge*

 

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