I've been noticing a lot lately on some of the Facebook groups that I'm a part of, that a lot of women are talking about how tired they are lately, how down they are lately and how much of an effort it is to get out of bed in the morning. It got me thinking about when I thought it was just the “winter blues”.
When I started falling into depression I actually didn't even know it was happening and it wasn't until months and months later that I realized, wait, "why do I still feel this way?"
When what I thought was the problem with my “feeling down”, settled down or changed, and I still felt sad. I sought help.
There were days I didn't want to get out of bed and not just because I wasn't feeling well or because of my Crohn's but because mentally I wasn't ready for the day. I wasn't ready to see my husband. I wasn't ready to see the kids. I wasn't ready to hear anyone talk to me in the morning. I wasn't ready for the fighting that would come. I wasn't ready to hear my kids cry. I didn't want to be a part of any of it.
There were also nights when I'd be laying in bed, wide-awake unable to sleep, with just thoughts going through my head about what tomorrow would bring. I realized that I just wasn't happy anymore. I was miserable. I was really unhappy. It was then my husband suggested I talk to our family doctor.
One of the things that my therapist at the time suggested I do is to write down how I'm feeling, like I used to do when I was a teenager. It definitely helped a lot, to visually see the emotions I were feeling. The other thing he suggested I do is to make a list of the things that I recognized which contributed to me being unhappy. Regardless if it was right or wrong or whether it was justified or not I made that list.
Here’s what I had on my list;
Not wanting to get out of bed in the morning
Not wanting to take a shower
Not wanting to get dressed
I stopped singing in the car
I stopped dancing around the house
I stopped wanting to see my kids every day
I wanted to be alone often
Fighting with my husband every single day over the stupidest things
I didn’t want to have sex anymore, I lost the desire.
I stopped wanting to go to work
I stopped wanting to be around people
I missed being around my family
I miss hanging out with my friends
I stopped doing things for myself
I stopped caring all around
My therapist and I went over this list and tried to rationalize it and explain why it was I was feeling this way.
I suppose the point of this article is to tell other people that it's OK to be sad. It's OK to have hard days. It's OK to not want to get out of bed. The problem falls when those days become consecutive, when it becomes more than just the “winter blues” and being down because it's cold and dark outside. If it becomes more than, longer than a couple of days, I want you to seek help, you need to talk to somebody.
Getting help and speaking to the therapist was the best thing that happened to me. Although I only had about 4 or 5 sessions overall, it was the greatest thing I could've done.
So, is it more than the “Winter Blues”?
Please ask yourself this.