I’m still a bit in awe that I finally made the decision to start writing this blog. Many people in my life didn’t know that I enjoyed writing. I am definitely not an avid reader – though, I am beginning to find a love for reading again – so how could I possibly be a “writer”?
In high school, I loved English class - it was always my highest grade! I loved being able to write out my thoughts, expressing my ideas and opinions on a topic. What I didn’t like was being forced to read a novel I had zero interest in – grade 11, The Chrysalids – awful! Perhaps this was the reason for my lack of interest in reading. However, when I came across a novel that grabbed my attention, I wouldn’t put it down.
But writing, writing was something I always did, whether you knew it or not. It saved me during my dark times, those 30 days spent in the hospital during my diagnosis period. It saved me during breakups, with boyfriends and friends. Come to think of it, I only ever wrote during dark times in my life. Unfortunately, I never kept any of these journals. I would throw them away when I became happy again, it was a feeling of relief to get rid of the negative past. I never wanted a reminder of the bad times.
The past couple of years, in particular, have been rough. I’ve had some AMAZING times, don’t get me wrong, but my health seems to overpower those happy moments. All I can remember are the nights feeling alone, in pain, feeling guilty, feeling broken. I want this blog to be moments of good and bad. I want it to be real and raw. NO secrets, no sugar coating. Just me, my thoughts, my feelings, my life.
I titled my blog and website “Married to Crohn’s” for a reason. Like a marriage between two people, it’s work. It’s not always rainbows and sunshine. It’s not always easy, happy moments. My relationship with my crohn’s is similar. Although I did not CHOOSE to have it apart of my life, I take my vows seriously. As I promised my husband on our wedding day, “in good times and in bad, till death do us part”, I vow the same to my crohn’s… frankly, I think it vows that to me too! I will love, honour and cherish my crohn’s – hopefully it will do the same for me!
So, I guess I really am married to my crohn’s! I suppose the same could be said for my husband. He’s married to me and my crohn’s disease has been the number one priority in our marriage the past year. He really is my hero throughout all this.
Does this mean I’m a polygamist?
A marriage of three?
Xo Nicole Marques xo